Getting the pleasantries out of the way
My name is Daniel Koenig, or just Dan if you'd prefer. I'm 28 (I know, we'll get to that), and my pronouns are he/they. My hobbies include archery, model building, and video games. If my insistance on keeping with the digital format of my commonplace notebook despite learning how finnicky design on neocities is, I'm also rather stubborn. This is my official disclosure that I have only a passing knowledge of HTML and CSS, and most of this website was constructed by beating ChatGPT with a stick until it spit out something servicable. I can assure you, however, that there will be no other AI generated content used, and all writing and photography featured on any of the pages will be my own. I will attempt to credit any other media that I use as it comes up.
"Wow, it's pretty unusual to have someone that old in the undergraduate program" I feel you judging about 2 minutes ago when you read that fact about me. There is an explination for that. My initial run at college ended after one year when a mysterious condition that caused me intense stomach pain manifested. I'd have a couple false starts, earn a few credits, do a non-degree program at NC State, get REJECTED by NC State despite aceing all my classes IN the non-degree program, all before finally ending up here at app state. All told, this has consumed about 8 years of my life. The real kicker is we still have no idea what caused it besides "Maybe anxiety"
But as a wise man once said, "We move regardless." I will continue to throw myself at this wall until it breaks, and I can already see the cracks forming.
What was that about?
As the building was emptying out, I decided to take a look around the Leon Levine building. Initially, I thought I'd go check out something called the "Sensory Lab". This didn't pan out. the room was locked and from what I can tell, it was just standard cubical desks inside. But something that stuck out to me more was someone I passed while I was walking. He had on a black face mask, black nitrile gloves, a black shirt, and I'm pretty sure black shoes as well. He seemed to be in a rush as he hurried past me, and I can only imagine the sort of stress someone dressed like that must be under. What stuck out to me more than the striking coordination of his outfit and accessories, or the speed of his gait, was that my brain was telling me I had seen someone dressed that exact way the same day in that same building. It undoubtedly must have been for some class. But what sort of class sends its students out into the halls in what I can only describe as "Medical Casual".
Ew, actual work
-The first sentence about writing abilities being able to be learned once has already got me thinking about the cultural shifts that can happen in a writer's lifetime that might obsolete some of their skills.
-Writing may not be "natural", but communication is. If you think about writing as its own "language" (read; way for humans to communicate), then it's perfectly natural. I'd challenge you to find a way that writing COULD'VE developed other than "naturally"
-I struggle so much with finding the EXACT right word for a circumstance. More than once I have had to seek outside help because the perfect word or phrasing just wasn't coming to me
-Art has to be one of the few examples of a thing that can be improved upon, but never technically "perfected". The skill of an artist can even be quantified to an extent. (a shitty circle I just drew on some A4 paper vs. The Starry Night, for example)
-I will say, I don't think I've ever considered anything I've sat down and written to be a "failure". I wouldn't have written it otherwise.
-Stories I improvised on the spot, however...
-Wait no there was that one time in elementary school that I got publicly shamed for just writing some dogshit to get over the word count. That still happens sometimes but I haven't been publicly shamed for it since.
-My first drafts are almost always my final drafts and I have not been punished for it (in college) yet.
-J.K. Rowling was right about failing on an epic scale, but unfortunately she probably wasn't talking about all the inconsistant worldbuilding and microaggressions to different races she wrote into Harry Potter. And the transphobia.
-Okay FINE I'll try and gain more feedback on writing from my peers. If I care about it.
-Maybe rough drafts too but no promises
-The "Myth of Linguistic Homogeneity" Is something I've thought of before, as language itself is deeply cultural even between different regions speaking the same langauge. It's natural that this would apply to writing as well.
-Sometimes my therapist will end texts with elipses and I'll think I've done something wrong, but that's just how language works for her.
-An annecdote about a question on a test referencing a "toboggan" comes to mind. The reader thought it might mean the hat, but it was talking about a sled
-I sort of method act when I write (or play d&d) so I do, functionally, become the person I'm writing about for a bit
-I guess I've been "composing myself" my entire life from what this writer is definiing composition as.
-What the hell is a "Shaker Footstool" and why does it come in a kit?
-I googled it and I'm still confused. none of them exactly looked like something Ikea would send you to put together yourself.
-When he said "you learn to make words behave the way you want them to", it's embarrasing to admit, but I think flirting actually caused an advancement in my writing. It required a degree more elequence to be at all effective.
-What the hell is a gimlet? (I know auger already)
-It's just a smaller auger apparently
-okay but semicolon usage IS important
-Also most swimmers do have a working knowledge of basic hydrostatics. It's reflected in the gear and how they shave their bodies.
-"We are composers by virtue of being human" goes hard as a quote.
-A basis in psychology has also made me a better writer, especially (but not exclusively) when it comes to character writing.
-I definitely relate to that creative feeling that you NEED to get something down into its medium before you either lose motivation or inspiration
-I also relate to the feeling that you need to force yourself to create. I struggle with some symptoms of adhd, so I very easily drop hobbies by losing interest in them.
-I don't really follow their steps while I write. Perhaps this makes me an inferior writer. It's either I enter a flow state and get everything down onto page all at once, or I don't write at all
-This guy's voice doesn't match his face
-The comparison to jazz makes sense. he also mentions what I said before where he enters that "flow state" where everything works sequentially together.
-His comment about "Sucking reality" into writing reminds me of something Hayao Miyazaki said about needing to really watch people in motion if you want to animate.
-I have never interviewed myself about what I "mean" about what I've written. Perhaps it's either an abundance or deficit of self-awareness.
-I dislike showing my writing to people that actually know me. You're fine because you're a teacher, but anyone I have personal investment in, it feels too "intimate".
It's a little hard to explain how I've experienced writing as a continuum. I think everyone does to a certain extent with public education, but for a lot of people that's where it ends. I'd certainly classify myself as motivated to go a bit beyond that. But as for what sparked the interest, I don't really know. I've enjoyed reading for about as long as I've been able to do it, and I liked it when people liked what I've written, but for most of my life I've been petrified of showing people I know things that I've written for my own pleasure (as sparsly as I may do so.)
I think for a while it was just to "seem" smarter. I was one of those kids that would go online and, while my own wasn't that great, correct other people's poor spelling and grammar. Thinking back on it, it's kind of a weird pursuit as a child. The best I can rationalize it now is that being "smart" was really the only thing I had going for me, being otherwise socially awkward and unpopular. Between looks, manner, and mechanical skill all seeming out of reach, it was the only thing I was really confident enough to try improving about myself.